Wednesday, December 1, 2010

PS: I love you!!!

Jay sean's "down" was playing in the background,the DJ was stationed at the far end of the dark corner they were standing. they stood hip-to-hip,his breathe was whistling through his nostrils,hers was heavy,almost like she was panting. It felt like the song was dedicated to this moment. As Kabir tightened his grip on her waist,and folded her closer to his chest, not wanting to let go. She obliged Jay's plea to "leave it behind tonight",as she snuggled closer,laying her head on the left corner of his chest,his heartbeat echoing in her ears and she shut her eyelids to savor the warmth exuding from him. His cologne teased her senses. His chiseled features felt good to her touch. She felt his heart pick-up the rhythm. Relaxing to the music, Kabir began to caress her nape with his thumb gently,then he switched to using his palm,circling the same area. The soft sigh that escaped her lips was just the signal he needed to ginger him.He kissed her cheekbone slowly,she raised her head to his searching eyes,huge clouds of desire made his eyes dark,she could almost read his thoughts.she tried a smile,it was chuckle that came instead. This moment was more magic than she had ever imagined.

It was like a dream. one she had waited for for so so long.

That thought brought back the ice and rage she had kept within her. She just couldnt hold it back anymore. He felt her stiffen. He knew it already. This was it. The drama was about to start,but somehow he just was not ready for it. He will have to explain his big ego and cunning ways. His indecision will come to bear,and she might slip away from him completely. He drew her closer,whispering in her ears, "dont!"

A single word. but they both knew what he was saying. She broke free and looked him straight in his eyes. matching his gaze for the first time-ever.
"I can't" she flung the words at him.


Bahijja was beginning to feel like she was being charged with murder. The ride back to Naima's was complete torture. dead silence. No words spoken. Just a series of sighs.
"wai wani irin abu ne haka,yaya?" Bahijja spat, breaking the ice.

She looked from one person to the other.
“you both have feelings for each other. If not, why will you keep acting like this around one another? This isnt right. One of you must forget and let go of this ridiculous ego. And I expect its going to be you” Bahijja charged at her brother.
He looked more startled at her outburst than her accusation.
“what do you know about this really?” his deep baritone supplied . He was trying to be the sensible of the lot, but it seemed impossible. These ladies were letting their emotions get the better of them and he wasn’t ready to be accused of being the only one that didn’t let this see the light of day.
“oh! I know enough. I live with you, remember?” Bahijja said.
He looked over at Naima. She remained silent. Looking over the view as he drove past unity fountain. He felt her frustration, but he could only care less. Didn’t she always accuse him of not wanting to talk? Well, he was more than ready for it now, and he didn’t care if his baby sister was there or not, this madness had to stop!
“I suppose your happy with this” his acidic tone stung her. She shifted her gaze towards his direction, but her heart wont have any of it. She looked over at the back of the silver camry at Bahijja instead, and gave her a weak smile, “thanks for chipping in a word for me” she supplied, her words were barely a whisper over the air-conditioner’s hissing sounds.
Bahijja moved closer and reached out. She grasped her shaky hands in her firm ones and said clearly, “You gotta end this tonight. Its obvious your hurting, dear. He is my brother, but no man is worth all this patience” she said, eyeing her brother from her position with her left eye.
Naima opened her mouth to talk, but words failed her again. She caught Kabir’s expectant expression as she searched Bahijja’s face. She saw pity and encouragement. She gave her a bear hug instead, “I will survive this, sis” she replied.

“Oh for heaven’s sake” Kabir cursed, looking up as the words flew out of his mouth.
“do you really expect me to believe that your so hurt your lost for words?” he accused her again. “ I know your just not saying anything because you never had anything to say. You keep accusing me of being selfish and unavailable, when infact, you’re the one always keeping me the red light. Acting like you can replace me with anyone.” He continued with arrogance.
“which you have, by the way” he added matter-of-factly.
“I don’t expect you to understand. I realize now sadly. If you think even in the least, that this is easy for me then you are such a joker. I don’t even know why I care so much. But, this is the last you will hear of it” her voice was calm, but he got the message alright. His accusation of her replacing him with someone else had brought back the painful memories of peaches, and how he had cheated on her right under her very nose. It was a mistake she was determined never to repeat. If this was all Kabir thought of her, then she might as well not explain her situation to him. What difference will it make anyway.
They were just at the turn before Naima’s house by then. She thanked Bahijja once more for speaking up for her, and asked politely to be dropped off. She needed to walk back to get some air she had said.
As he drove off with Bahijja now seated  at the passenger’s side, he was tempted to stay back and talk more. But, his ego got the better of him as always and he said a proud goodbye and looked away as they zoomed off into the night.

Naima didn’t even try to deny the pain or act strong. This time she let the sorrow consume her. She cried her eyes dry. Even when the tears stopped, she wished for them to flow. She felt like a cross had been placed on her shoulders. She just didn’t get it. Whatever it was that was making Kabir act like this was certainly and painfully making her feelings even harder to hold back she realized.
Her mum kept asking what the problem was as she noticed that Naima kept running off to the bathroom and coming back with her eyes red and puffy. When she couldn’t hide behind her cold getting worse, she excused herself from the living room, feigning pain and claiming her head hurt from the party’s loud music.
She resigned to the dark silence she had created in her room and lay on the edge of her bed like a lifeless lioness. This lioness was truly wounded. Not only was her pride hurt, she feared her heart might never recover. But she had to be brave, this was going to be the last straw. She will mourn him in silent courage and then let him go. She was tired of Kabir playing hot and cold with her. This was deadly, she was gambling with her heart and it seemed it was going to end in disaster.
“how do you even let go of something that was never yours”  naughty Naima asked.
“I know right? Beats me too” sweet Naima replied.
They were for once in agreement. Her whole system seem to have gotten used to the idea of having Kabir acting out this way, and never really sticking around to explain it. If she didn’t know better, Naima might think this was all there was to love. Mere torture and nothing more. Or was it?
She stood up from the bed and picked up her laptop half-distracted. She began to write a poem full of spite for the love she wished for,but kept eluding her. Just then her phone beeped. She picked it up, hoping it wasnt Fatty since she had promised to call and didn’t.
It was Kabir. She looked at the short message again. It was clear. It wasn’t too much grammar or even words that will make one wonder. But she was confused, and all of a sudden she felt a rage consume her as she hissed at the words she thought will one day make her smile.
PS: I love you….
That was all he wrote. She tossed the phone so hard it landed on the ground.
“Dude!! Seriously???” she barked and the walls seemed to echo the anger in the words as she shook uncontrollably from head to toe… be continued.


Myne Whitman said...

I didn't really understand the sequence, was the dance before or after the break up? I felt her pain sha..

Spesh said...

Myne,it was after the dance.
thanks for stopping by :)