To love is to forgive...

Na'ima Ibrahim crossed her denim laden legs at her ankles to give her posture a sense of calm. She was listening to every word, answering them a million different ways in her head and then, scolding sweet Nai for being unlady-like with some of her remarks. She tilted her bronzed face to capture the last rays of sunlight. She loved coming to Julie's in the summer, they had the perfect location for what she called a sun-kissed evening. The decor had an artsy, 60s theme with lots of light, framed illustrations and a huge Victorian chandelier to complete the homey vibe the cafe resonated. Her favorite part of the room was easily the old skool fabric cushions, they reminded her so much of her dad's old settee.

Nai's face shone and she looked prettier than ever. As petite and fragile as she looked, her strength and grit was unmistakable. The lilac veil gave her face some color, but her eyes were a pool of conflicting emotions She was wearing a yellow maxi shirt and multi-colored ankara bangles to complete the look. The years had been good to her, despite losing her mother and moving to Canada.
The move had been tough for her at first, she would sit for hours in the consolidated darkness that was her studio apartment thinking of her mum and how her family had been devastated from the aftermath of her diagnosis and eventually, her death. But nothing could compare to the depression her dad sank into, and how the family had turned their backs on them. It took them over two years to finally get a good program to help him. He recovered but it was never the same, their lives had taken a sharp turn and the accompanied bumpy somersault had left them scarred. Na'ima had shut everyone out, it seemed like the only logical thing to do. She couldn't handle the questions and the prying eyes. The scrutiny made her feel cornered and small, those were feelings she had always stood against. Work and school were all she focused on. 
Her new prototype for gene mapping was gaining recognition and from her colleagues and research laboratories in Montreal. Working with an equally passionate set of scientists had done her a lot of good. She had very few friends but kept in touch with Fatty and her brothers. Their conversations were usually about TV series, research and the escalating insecurity in Nigeria. Fatty knew not to discuss certain topics that will take her back to those dark months. Fatty feared it will take a miracle to make the ice berg that used to be her heart melt, and that miracle remained top of her prayer points for Na'ima. 

Slowly, scared not to push her away, Kabir reached for her shaky hands across the wooden table and covered them with his firm, sweaty ones. He was wearing one of his signature turtle-necks, A sky blue. but this time his face was slimmer with a fine trail of hair covering his chin and the outline of his cheeks. He had grown into a man even more handsome than she had ever imagined. His clear, brown eyes spoke of wisdom and grace. He still had that sweet boyish grin she loved so much, and his broad shoulders looked more inviting than ever before. His style had stayed the same but he resonated a certain level of class and charisma that charmed her even more now than he would have before.

Their eyes locked and she smiled at him. A smile that was warm, beautiful, damning. That smile he had been dreaming of, that smile made him believe there was more to life. that smile made him run across the world and abandon everything behind immediately Yaqub told him he had ran into her. In that moment he knew, he knew that there was hope, that there was going to be genuine laughter, happy tears and an amazing love story to tell their kids. 

"I never left. I can't leave you." she blurted out, looking him straight in the eyes. His face softened instantly, his mouth flew open but she stopped him with more as her face became cloudy and grim.

"But what is love if happiness doesn't accompany it? why should you wreck your life in a bid to fix this wounded soul? why sacrifice your own skin for someone who won't fight for herself?" Nai continued, her voice was laced with anguish. Every word uttered felt like a dagger to her heart. As the memories flooded her mind, making her feel paralyzed. With Kabir there were no shortcuts, he saw all of her. She showed herself to him without fear. It was why she had walked away without looking back. She couldn't forgive herself if she had dragged him down with her. He was her rock and pillar when all around her crumbled and she seemed to be living in a nightmare that wouldn't end. She shifted her gaze to stop the tears, her face hung down, her heart was shattered by the product of her selfishness. She reminded herself as she did everyday for the last five years, of how cruel their love had turned out to be. 

"Nai, my sweet angel, I know and I feel guilty. I have fought this, love brought me here, I deserve a fighting chance. Forgive yourself. Let me love you. Please let me be your strength. You can do this. We can do this." he responded, finally finding his voice, with a considerable amount of conviction, to his own delight. He reached for her chin, cradling it with his left palm. He looked into those eyes and he was sad at the look of defeat he saw. But he was sure, this time around there was no going back, he had suffered enough. Despite all his efforts to be happy and accept that their love was stormy and seemed impossible. Kabir knew that what he felt was beyond him. That fighting it will only cause more pain. His heart just couldn't survive more of that torture. Time had taught him a hard lesson. Five years without her had seemed like an eternity. It was time to live their dreams. Damn his pride, it had to give way for his happiness, he wouldn't live the what-ifs any longer.

She shut her eyes to think, for a moment, in that beautiful scene she had created time after time in her mind, Kabir was the love of her life. She had loved, but never with such intensity. His imprint was embedded in her soul. Their connection was undeniably strong. She flipped her eyes open, he was still sitting there. this wasn't a dream anymore. he was here, with her, and his eyes were asking, begging for a chance to live this dream with her. A chance to build, live, grow and be happy. A chance to take that journey and go where the wind takes you. A chance to stand in the rain and feel the warmth of love engulf your soul with light and magic. 

"My heart wants only you. You make the world seem perfect. I need you." Kabir was saying, squeezing her hands with a reassuring smile. He was getting quite antsy but he knew that didn't work with Nai'ma, she worked better at her own time. He was silent, waiting, hoping, and in then in what seemed like an entire decade, she whispered, "my heart wants only you too. I want all of this too, and I only want it with you"

......To be continued

Wedding plans!!!

The months flew by without Naima even noticing. She was always engrossed in household  chores or busy helping with Aysha’s wedding. It was amazing how she had fallen for a totally different guy from her “standard”.  He was in his early forties and all those who knew Aysha including her own mum still didn’t understand it. BB had been a good sport about it, and apart from his intial reaction of calling Naima a traitor for accepting to be in Aysha’a bridal train, he seem to have warmed up to the idea. He even called her once to ask how things were going and said to call him if she needed any help with the preparations, which was more than anyone could do given the circumstance in which they had broken up and how BB had come to find out only because the groom-to-be was his own father.

It was no news that since the divorce, his dad had made several attempts to remarry. It was only unnerving to think that they were actually dating the same girl as his first and only son. and even more shocking was that she had played BB skillfully for a whole year before the wedding preparations started. It was funny now how BB will say that she was the one girl he believed was going to change him. With all the tons of ladies he was seen around and the zillion others he had flirted with, he never would have believed Aysha had it in her. He treated her like a queen. He left all his player charm at home locked up in his virtual secret box each time he visited her, and was on best behaviour anytime he was seen around her. He didn’t even pick calls or reply messages when they were having a conversation. He gave her his undivided attention and often got upset whenever she teased him about leaving him in the past. The pain and betrayal was double edged. His own father and the girl he loved. He had no intentions of forgiving his father anytime soon. He was blinded by his fury to believe that his father had done this intentionally to get back at him for siding with his mother during the divorce. He had seduced the poor girl and she only agreed to it because she respected him as her future father-in-law all along, That was the comforting picture BB had painted in his mind. It may help him get past all the grieve, but the stories Naima heard in town made her believe otherwise, no matter how much logic and detail BB brought to beef up his claim. Aysha was known to be a sweet girl with good looks,but a sucker for fame,wealth and prestige,which was what his dad was offering as he was currently in the race for the senatorial seat in his home state. So many family members had tried to reconcile BB and his dad, and draw up a truce, but BB won’t even attend the meetings. He stayed at his mum’s since the divorce, so he was never really close to his dad. He had even worked at bringing them back together before he left for school abroad, now he understood fully why his mum had said he was an unrepentant psychopath who was to be avoided like a plaque.

It was almost noon by the time Naima got the girls to agree on what should be served at the bride’s sendforth. They had been at it for hours, with most of the girls wanting to serve a three-course meal and a few others like Naima arguing that light snacks and drinks will do the trick. They were not staging a royal feast nor was it to be a whole day’s event, “so why serve a three-course meal on the same day as the brunch the groom’s family had planned already?”, Naima reasoned. The girls re-distributed themselves into small groups with each assigned to cater for one detail or the other to make the sendforth a success. Naima let out a big sigh of relief as she turned on the ignition of her red 206 and zoomed off. She went as far as the next block as the traffic caught up with her. It was slow and painfully so. A new trend in the streets of Abuja that she clearly wasn’t pleased with, along with many other commuters. The council kept promising to construct more roads, and thus far, their afforts at expansion had only made the situation worse. Naima turned on the radio then, hoping to be distracted. She switched from one radio station to the other, but none of them got her interested enough to stay tuned. Her eyes drifted to her surroundings instead and she watched those around her with interest. Everyone’s face was colored with emotions; some looked upset, while others looked plain angry cursing and shouting at the traffic wardens, as if that will help. A few looked like they had prepared well for the situation, as they wore a calm face and looked on. Naima was clearly irritated,she tried severally to maneuver and take the shortcuts most of the taxi drivers took, but failed to outdo them. They were rather too risky for her liking. She was wearing a deep blue knee-length kaftan-inspired top and washed out denim. Her hair was securely held to the back of her head in her signature channel-O  headgear. She wore a look of frustration and utter impatience. This was not how she expected her day to turn out. She still had to go see the caterer and help Aysha pick the colors for the sendforth and budan kai. That was Naima’s favorite part of the traditional wedding ceremony. The unveiling looked like a passing rite to her. It signified a sort of acceptance and welcoming of the bride into her new family. All the members of the groom’s family were expected to be present, they will welcome their new bride and accept her from her old family by paying a token equivalent to her beauty and poise. The unveiling had been in the hausa-fulani society for ages, and despite introducing modern day trends to wedding ceremonies, the budan kai remained an integral part of the main events.

Three and half hours later, Naima walked into her room drained from the day’s activities. The whole house was deserted since it was a Saturday. Her brothers were out,her mother at the salon, and their dad was out of town for a two-week conference. Aysha had gone with her to see the caterer to save time. They brisked through the many pictures and brochures of wedding cake at Zinny’s. All hell however broke loose when the groom had called to say he was short of cash and needed the bridal train cut down by half, tilting towards how ridiculous it was for him to buy five sets of ashobi each for a dozen girls. Naima did her best to reason with him and keep Aysha calm. But her feathers were ruffled by the call, as she began threatening to call off the wedding until he was ready. This had to be the kind of wedding shown on those bridezilla shows, as Aysha was still barking into her phone when she dropped her off at home. Naima thought to herself with a grin as she kicked off her plastic sandals and lay her head down on her bed. She closed her eyes and relaxed her mind. Her mind darted off to her last conversation with BB. He had hammered on her almost non-existent social life. He just didn’t understand why she chose to isolate herself.

“you might never get back into the dating game, if you continue this way” he lamented with clear disapproval. He claimed it was unhealthy for a girl her age to be that way. Naima had never given it much thought or cared about it. She had lived virtually all her twenty-something years that way. She was a loner, and an introvert in the true meaning if the word. She read books, surfed the net, or watched movies in her spare time. Otherwise, school had been the main thing in her calendar, and ever since she graduated, she had enough time on her hands. Still she rarely socialized. If she was seen anywhere, then she wasn’t alone. She was with family and friends, or on rare occasions sitting alone in the corner of a restaurant lost in thoughts and sipping on a drink.

“Maybe the dating scene just wasn’t for girls like her that were too chicken to stick around and wait out the storm.”  Naima assured herself yet again. She had in some funny way accepted that her love life, if she ever had one, will be a rather troubling ride. It was like she was her own worst enemy. She expected it to get worse before it was any better. So far, she had been proven right once. It was unbelievable to accept that Kabir had actually gone ahead to start dating some girl. Everyone claimed she was warm, friendly and pretty. Naima couldn’t even bring herself to talk to him in a cool tone, talk more of being in the same room as his new girl. It was going to be inevitable with Aysha’a wedding coming up. She pushed the negative thoughts out of her mind as she picked up her phone and dialed BB’s number. She strolled towards the kitchen to grab a late lunch as she put the phone to her left ear and waited for it to be picked on the other end, using her right hand to unwound the cream veil she had made into the channel-O. He picked on the second ring, promising to call her back in a few minutes. She dropped the phone ontop of the microwave as she set about making indomie and boiled eggs. She was about to step out of the kitchen when his call came through. She danced a little to her miss independent ringtone as she set down the plate of steaming noodles to answer the call.

“Allu” she teased. They had grown a lot closer and fondier of each other since he got back. Their frequent chats on yahoo had kept them in contact while he was away.

“you witch! How did you know I was about to call you?” he accused her jokingly. She laughed in answer.

“abeg I no get strength for your wahala this afternoon” she was worn out and he could hear it in her voice.

“you can’t come along for the movie later then” he said disappointedly.  He had told her about it within the week, but she had totally forgotten about it. He was looking forward to watching Christopher Nolan’s inception. He loved all his movies and thought he was a brilliant director. It was the first night it was showing in Abuja and BB wouldn’t miss it for the world.

“oh my! I totally forgot its today” she replied apologetically. Conceding was the only option but she made him promise to drive her straight back home after that, and not try hooking her up with some of his friends as he had done the last time. They hang up then, as she tried to finish her lunch and get more rest before he showed up by seven.

They were at the fourth floor of the sliverbird galleria by 8pm. She had only switched her top for a simple pink one. BB was wearing a brown Tee and black plain trousers. They bought drinks and popcorn as BB looked like a kid excited to be on his first ever roller coaster ride. They stood at the door and kept checking their watch waiting for the next few minutes before it started showing. The whole place was packed with an equally expectant audience as BB. Naima couldn’t care any less, she loved movies but not to the point of watching them on the day they premiered, that was more BB’s style. She kept looking over to her far left. She could almost swear she saw someone familiar, but it was no surprise in a crowd like this, especially at the cinema on a Saturday. She turned again to have a good look. Their eyes met , and she looked away immediately. She was instantly upset and uneasy. She turned to warn BB and saw him walking towards them already.It was too late.  His long legs taking up the space between them with each step and closing in on them. The moment she had dreaded for months was about to happen. She could feel her heart in her mouth, pounding hard and fast. That akward time when she will have to act all civilized and normal under the searching eyes of Kabir was about to play out in real life and she was in no way ready for it. She turned and walked away in the opposite direction on impulse, just as he reached BB’s side, and instantly regretted it. It was foolish and childish, but she couldn’t care less. She ran towards the lifts as both men looked on, totally taken aback by her reaction.

                   ... to be continued.

The show must go on!!!

Kabir could have slapped himself twice for sending that message.

PS: I love you? What did that even mean?? He sounded like some school girl..or a teenager excited about his first conquest.

Maybe he should send another message saying he sent the wrong message.

Yaqub interrupted his trail of thoughts as he entered the living room shouting on the top of his voice.

“we got the case” he said. Smiling from ear to ear. In his excitement he jumped to sit beside Kabir on the smaller cream settee.

It took Kabir almost a minute as he tried to rearrange his thoughts. He answered his friend nonetheless,not wanting to look stupid.

They discussed the case all night as most lawyers did. The two lawyers went on to continue research on the case online, gathering as much information as they could about the opposing counsel and the case itself. It was such a big catch for the fresh minds,especially seeing as Jibrin & co had just taken off barely a year ago. They shared the same zeal for justice. Reason why they had clicked right from their library days back in the university of greenwich.

Yaqub Jibrin was the only son of Justice Sani Jibrin. The first attorney-general of the federation from Katsina. The name Justice Jibrin was synonymous with excellence and perfection. Anything he did and all he had achieved all these years had been built on justice, equity and fairness. It was a tough call for Yaqub all his life. As most people used his father’s success as a yardstick for his own achievements. They viewed all he did as right or wrong. There was no grey area. He only found solace with his mum most times. As she corrected his mistakes with the understanding only a mother could. He had been such a rogue at first, not wanting to study hard and always partying around. He even repeated his class in year one, which had been the main reason why his uncle had presuaded his dad to bundle him abroad.

“let him come here and stay with me. I will teach him some manners. And please yaya, don’t come visiting or send him any money until he has graduated”  His uncle,Bako had told his dad five years earlier.

But even uncle Bako was amazed at the level of commitment and dedication Yaqub had shown once he thought his family had abandoned him. His mum’s resolve to shut him out until he made her proud especially, had got him thinking real hard for days after sulking and dragging his feet about for days on end. His turn around and transformation had become an example for other boys that were family friends with the Jibrins’.

It was his dad’s idea that he start up the private legal firm. Seeing as he had come back with a broad spectrum of ideas and plans. Justice Jibrin thought it wise to shield his son from the inevitable conflict between politics and justice. 

Yaqub had however faced the issue head on. His first case had been with a councilor from Daura. He won the case fair and square regardless of the threat to his life once the hearing had begun.

This new case was similar. Only this time,they were going into the big leagues. They were going to be facing the dreaded Tom Dike (SAN). He was known as a ruthless lawyer and a bitter loser. He fought hard and dirty. Which suited him well as most of his clients were politicians who were willing to pay any price to win. He didn’t take any chances, and crushed anyone that stood between him and the results he wanted. Yaqub had his father’s years of experience and strategies to guide him, without that, he was no match for Tom Dike. Even with the enormous bounty of wisdom they were expecting to tap from, Kabir was still having seconds thoughts about taking on Tom Dike. He had suggested they seek the counsel of an older colleague. There seem to be enough candidates for the slot. Tom Dike had more foes than friends afterall. But, Yaqub will not see reason. He wanted this victory to be his to savor and a big plus for his new law firm. It was something the two friends had argued over for days before they finally agreed to start wooing their client. It was such a keenly contested race, and so many others had even taken to sending personal gifts and granting favors to get the job. Yaqub had used his father’s old method of being available to the client, but assertive and professional when need be. It was the combination that got him the case at the end of the day.

It was almost some minutes to 3am when Yaqub finally began to doze off . Kabir tapped his shoulders with his tired fingers from his squating position. They had moved to the library and were all covered in multitude of paper and case study. Yaqub yawned in answer and shifted his gaze to take in Kabir.

“You should go home,mallam” Kabir said, suppressing gales of laughter. He was exhausted himself,but he could bet that he wasn’t looking as bad as Yaqub.

“ko? Anya zan iya zuwa gida a haka?” Yaqub reasoned inspite of himself. Kabir assesed him and had to agree. He will end up by the roadside or far worse if he left like that.

He threw his weight sluggishly on the tiled floor and began to snore solfty before Kabir could even reply him. He was like a dead log when he was asleep. Kabir often wondered how he will cope if there was an emergence or a call for help late at night. He had once slept off in the middle of a conversation with his girlfriend,Zainab. His old friends still teased him about it,but they had all come to agree that Yaqub functioned better during the day. Even the fear of exams didn’t keep him from meeting up his appointment with Mr. sleep.

Kabir put down the ball pen in his hand and picked up his iphone from atop the stack of files he had already gone through. He scanned through his unread messages using his left index finger to navigate the device. He was expecting a reply at least. It was so unlike Naima not to have replied him by now. He went back to view his outgoing folder. The message had been delivered alright. So, why didn’t she reply? He wondered if she was still mad at him, or if she didn’t even feel same. He feared the latter as he realized that they had never talked indepth or even defined their attraction to one another.

With a sigh, he put down the phone from where he picked it and yanked the file off his lap. He stretched his sore frame and yawned loudly. Then joined his friend on the floor using the stack of files as pillow.

Naima shifted in her sleep. She was in her “C” sleeping position as always. With her knee close to her chin. Her alarm went off minutes earlier, but she was far away in dreamland to even think of waking up. Her phone began to buzz again. This time louder, as if the urgence of the call was being transmitted via the device. She moved again,this time with a murmur and her eyes drooping. It took her some seconds to figure out what the sound was and the line was about to go off when she finally hit the green button and took the call.

“Hello” she muffled into the speaker.

“yan’mata kenan”

That was all he said, but it was enough for her to sit up excitedly as the sleep flew away from her eyes and lit up like a christmas tree…

                ...to be continued.

PS: I love you!!!

Jay sean's "down" was playing in the background,the DJ was stationed at the far end of the dark corner they were standing. they stood hip-to-hip,his breathe was whistling through his nostrils,hers was heavy,almost like she was panting. It felt like the song was dedicated to this moment. As Kabir tightened his grip on her waist,and folded her closer to his chest, not wanting to let go. She obliged Jay's plea to "leave it behind tonight",as she snuggled closer,laying her head on the left corner of his chest,his heartbeat echoing in her ears and she shut her eyelids to savor the warmth exuding from him. His cologne teased her senses. His chiseled features felt good to her touch. She felt his heart pick-up the rhythm. Relaxing to the music, Kabir began to caress her nape with his thumb gently,then he switched to using his palm,circling the same area. The soft sigh that escaped her lips was just the signal he needed to ginger him.He kissed her cheekbone slowly,she raised her head to his searching eyes,huge clouds of desire made his eyes dark,she could almost read his thoughts.she tried a smile,it was chuckle that came instead. This moment was more magic than she had ever imagined.

It was like a dream. one she had waited for for so so long.


That thought brought back the ice and rage she had kept within her. She just couldnt hold it back anymore. He felt her stiffen. He knew it already. This was it. The drama was about to start,but somehow he just was not ready for it. He will have to explain his big ego and cunning ways. His indecision will come to bear,and she might slip away from him completely. He drew her closer,whispering in her ears, "dont!"

A single word. but they both knew what he was saying. She broke free and looked him straight in his eyes. matching his gaze for the first time-ever.
"I can't" she flung the words at him.

**********************************************************************************

Bahijja was beginning to feel like she was being charged with murder. The ride back to Naima's was complete torture. dead silence. No words spoken. Just a series of sighs.
"wai wani irin abu ne haka,yaya?" Bahijja spat, breaking the ice.

She looked from one person to the other.

“you both have feelings for each other. If not, why will you keep acting like this around one another? This isnt right. One of you must forget and let go of this ridiculous ego. And I expect its going to be you” Bahijja charged at her brother.

He looked more startled at her outburst than her accusation.

“what do you know about this really?” his deep baritone supplied . He was trying to be the sensible of the lot, but it seemed impossible. These ladies were letting their emotions get the better of them and he wasn’t ready to be accused of being the only one that didn’t let this see the light of day.

“oh! I know enough. I live with you, remember?” Bahijja said.

He looked over at Naima. She remained silent. Looking over the view as he drove past unity fountain. He felt her frustration, but he could only care less. Didn’t she always accuse him of not wanting to talk? Well, he was more than ready for it now, and he didn’t care if his baby sister was there or not, this madness had to stop!

“I suppose your happy with this” his acidic tone stung her. She shifted her gaze towards his direction, but her heart wont have any of it. She looked over at the back of the silver camry at Bahijja instead, and gave her a weak smile, “thanks for chipping in a word for me” she supplied, her words were barely a whisper over the air-conditioner’s hissing sounds.

Bahijja moved closer and reached out. She grasped her shaky hands in her firm ones and said clearly, “You gotta end this tonight. Its obvious your hurting, dear. He is my brother, but no man is worth all this patience” she said, eyeing her brother from her position with her left eye.

Naima opened her mouth to talk, but words failed her again. She caught Kabir’s expectant expression as she searched Bahijja’s face. She saw pity and encouragement. She gave her a bear hug instead, “I will survive this, sis” she replied.

“Oh for heaven’s sake” Kabir cursed, looking up as the words flew out of his mouth.

“do you really expect me to believe that your so hurt your lost for words?” he accused her again. “ I know your just not saying anything because you never had anything to say. You keep accusing me of being selfish and unavailable, when infact, you’re the one always keeping me the red light. Acting like you can replace me with anyone.” He continued with arrogance.

“which you have, by the way” he added matter-of-factly.

“I don’t expect you to understand. I realize now sadly. If you think even in the least, that this is easy for me then you are such a joker. I don’t even know why I care so much. But, this is the last you will hear of it” her voice was calm, but he got the message alright. His accusation of her replacing him with someone else had brought back the painful memories of peaches, and how he had cheated on her right under her very nose. It was a mistake she was determined never to repeat. If this was all Kabir thought of her, then she might as well not explain her situation to him. What difference will it make anyway.

They were just at the turn before Naima’s house by then. She thanked Bahijja once more for speaking up for her, and asked politely to be dropped off. She needed to walk back to get some air she had said.

As he drove off with Bahijja now seated  at the passenger’s side, he was tempted to stay back and talk more. But, his ego got the better of him as always and he said a proud goodbye and looked away as they zoomed off into the night.

Naima didn’t even try to deny the pain or act strong. This time she let the sorrow consume her. She cried her eyes dry. Even when the tears stopped, she wished for them to flow. She felt like a cross had been placed on her shoulders. She just didn’t get it. Whatever it was that was making Kabir act like this was certainly and painfully making her feelings even harder to hold back she realized.

Her mum kept asking what the problem was as she noticed that Naima kept running off to the bathroom and coming back with her eyes red and puffy. When she couldn’t hide behind her cold getting worse, she excused herself from the living room, feigning pain and claiming her head hurt from the party’s loud music.

She resigned to the dark silence she had created in her room and lay on the edge of her bed like a lifeless lioness. This lioness was truly wounded. Not only was her pride hurt, she feared her heart might never recover. But she had to be brave, this was going to be the last straw. She will mourn him in silent courage and then let him go. She was tired of Kabir playing hot and cold with her. This was deadly, she was gambling with her heart and it seemed it was going to end in disaster.

“how do you even let go of something that was never yours”  naughty Naima asked.

“I know right? Beats me too” sweet Naima replied.

They were for once in agreement. Her whole system seem to have gotten used to the idea of having Kabir acting out this way, and never really sticking around to explain it. If she didn’t know better, Naima might think this was all there was to love. Mere torture and nothing more. Or was it?

She stood up from the bed and picked up her laptop half-distracted. She began to write a poem full of spite for the love she wished for,but kept eluding her. Just then her phone beeped. She picked it up, hoping it wasnt Fatty since she had promised to call and didn’t.

It was Kabir. She looked at the short message again. It was clear. It wasn’t too much grammar or even words that will make one wonder. But she was confused, and all of a sudden she felt a rage consume her as she hissed at the words she thought will one day make her smile.

PS: I love you….

That was all he wrote. She tossed the phone so hard it landed on the ground.

“Dude!! Seriously???” she barked and the walls seemed to echo the anger in the words as she shook uncontrollably from head to toe…

 ...to be continued.

Guest writer: Poems by Sani Isah!

 Hello people!
today,I begin the new guest writer section with poems that have blown me away. all four poems are really inspiring...Enjoy:

TIME
All im waiting for is time
And ill get all that is mine
Players, haters shall all die
Wanting to see me left behind
I face all the tumbles of life
With a bitter sick smile
Im a go-getter in disguise
Often told im one of a kind
“Never give up” that’s the watch word
Ambitions bigger than the world
Dreams of being the last don
Like taking the throne of the corleone
I want to be all I can be
In this world full of greed
Cant change whats written for me
By God in my destiny.



I REMAIN MEI remain me
Copying no one else
That’s why I stay blessed
Never get depressed
My haters are always impressed
Im like mount everest
Wearing my nike crest
Knowing im the best
Don’t worry about my address
Check my email on the net
Plus im a fll time ghetto vet
And all my dough I invest
Never forgetting about my vest
Words I spit I never regret
Someone you can never forget
In rap game I never degrade
Hate seeing others in stress
Amusing you is my interest
Always need my lords bless
Play life like a game of chess



DONT LIVE IN ILLUSIONDon’t live in illusion
In this world of confusion
Try and give a contribution
To knowledge acquisition
Im not trying to confuse intellects
Or leaving them in regrets
If you smoke dodge a cigarette
And know that you are blessed
It is said knowledge is king
But all people care for is bling bling
Get your mind in the right moodswing
And this message will be like a bee sting.



LIFELife
Only the wise survive
Leaving ignorant ones behind
It’s a short time so always smile

We all know there is a life after this
Which is full of luxury and bliss
Its an opportunity we should not miss
Or else you will be left to hiss
Try to enjoy life to the fullest
But always try to have a recess
And aim at achieving success
And never stay depressed
These are words from a wise mind
And all the lines you should memorize

Oh Hawt!!!

Naima retraced her steps back to her queen sized mahogany bed. Her bare feet sinking into the brown italian carpet as she walked. She perched herself on the rightside corner of the bed,and folded her legs so that her chin was resting on her knees,she pulled her nighty down a bit to cover her calf,as the blowing wind from the window was getting stronger. She closed her eyes and laid her head back on the bed’s frame,all in a bid to pause her mind as it seem to be on a roller coaster of its own.

Just then her youngest brother burst open the white door,and threw in his whole bulk into the room before she could say anything. He smiled at her,with his full eyebrows raising at her posture and facial expression. Being about eleven years younger than she was,Abdulwahid looked at her like some older sister that had all the answers. He asked her a lot of questions,some even weird ones,and his topics will range from science,literature,religion and even arts. Naima loved his adventurous side,she saw it as something they had in common which wasn’t a normal thing in the Ibrahim’s lineage. Hence,she made sure she listened to him and explained as much as she could to satisfy his young mind. Her mum called him her PA,they were a lot closer than she was with her other two sibilings,even though she did talk a lot with Fahd,who was her immediate younger one,their ideologies right from kidergarten were not same. With Abdulwaihd however,she got to pass across the passion of finding answers for yourself. She called him with the pet name,gotel,the fulani word for “one” which was the literal meaning of the second bit of his arabic name.

That windy morning was no different. Like his usual self,he was the first to wake up in the boys’ room,and after taking his bath,and switching to his khaki shorts and white denim top from his boxers,which he slept in.he headed down to check up on her and cross examine her with his many answers. If the lights were not out,he will normally just tiptoe into the room and tune to cartoon network,and she would wake up to his laughing self sprawled on the carpet right infront of the large flatscreen sony television.

“yaya?” Naima spoke first.

“babu,na zo in gaishe ki ne” He went defensive.

“toh,nagode…amma barci nake ji” Naima said,not wanting to be disturbed.

“ok,sorry…zan dawo anjuma? He played innocent again,as he moved away from the bed,and explained in a heartbeat that he was off to see his friend two houses away from theirs. All Nai could do was nod. These thoughts had taken all of her energy,and she had just started to go deeper ,in her mind.

Her phone shrieked just then,blasting the “OMG” by Usher  ringtone,causing an echo in the mortuary quiet room. She guessed it might be Peaches,as he had been calling all morning. What did he really want? After all the havoc he had caused in her life,she had forgiven him so much so that she was even receiving his calls and replying his messages once-in-a-while. However,she noticed that had only encouraged him,making him think he still had a chance.Nai knew that chapter of her life was done with,she didn’t deny that she loved him once,even when things were bad,she never said or even thot that she regretted ever knowing him,but for all she cared,she didn’t wanna re-live those memories again. Life had so much more to offer,and she wouldn’t limit herself to a myopic angle of it.

Everyone seemed to be smiling. Dressed in radiant colors,exhanging pleasantries,hugging,and making introductions. the ladies were as usual in the center of it all,with some clinging towards the new Rihanna padded sleeves style,and others going for the casual look adorning themselves in black-and-white. There were also those misfits,like in every event,that looked like they didn’t know they were coming for an in-house event and not a wedding or carnival. Naima belonged to the casual crowd. With her grey polka dots knee-length top,and black leggings she didn’t really turn heads,but blended well with the crowd. She had opted for a thin grey hair band to hold her hair,and wore long sliver earrings,which shone in the dim lights of the Mu’azzams’ garden. She smiled at Bahijja as she made her way to where Naima was standing. The two girls exchanged pleasantries,as each tried to explain the long hush,and one-way communication between the once inseperable ladies.

“gaskiya,this isnt right,so if not for yaya kabir’s graduation party,we still wont meet?” Bahijja said,in between gulps of red wine. She was a lovely girl to be around. The one problem Naima had come to have with her was her believe that everything in life revolved around wealth and power. They were always arguing about that,and as such,the way they acted and responded to life had been different. Naima understood her angle sometimes,because Bahijja had known wealth all her life,her dad had been on the corridors of power since she was born. He was one of the few people that owned lands and houses in Abuja. He was the permanent secretary in the ministry of agriculture,and that was his fourth ministry,he had worked with the immediate past minister of industries as his personal assistant. That had shot him more to limelight. Bahijja’s point was inconsistent with life’s real challenges,as she had been sheilded from the real world all her life,it made her conversation shallow and bombastic sometimes,especially since she was such a shop-a-holic and label freak. One time,they had a fight with Nai,because she bought a jean for seven thousand naira.

Tonight was no different. She was clad in a smoky red Vera Wang summer mini dress,and leopard skin Jimmy Choo pomps. Her signature chanel perfume intoxicated the air around her,and her short curls were soaked in spotting waves that one could use it as a mirror in the dark night. As she spoke,and gestured with her hands,the sounds from her six-piece bangles became even more annoying.

Nai smiled,she has not changed one bit, she thot to herself. Bahijja was saying something about taking a picture with the celebrant before it got even more rowdy,and Nai quickly nodded. She would want that because the minute all those naughty rich boys got even more drunk,there was bound to be a scene. It had become part and parcel of the Mu’azzams’ house party. Beer,champagne and all sorts of assorted wine was in abundance. The smoking level was on red as almost all the guys there smoked cigars or shisha. They made so much noise and small talk,chasing whoever was the life of the party,before they headed onto the centre of the garden where the deejay was stationed,and danced the night away. 

Her parents had insisted that Naima go and congratulate Kabir over his results. It was more or less a first in their larger extended family,as no1 had ever gone aboard to study and came home with a distinction. Everyone was proud of Kabir. Some relatives had even sent their daughters over to the party with a mission to get Kabir’s attention,and work on making him their future husband. Naima was fully aware of that,and it was why she didn’t wanna go at first,especially since virtually everyone knew of the electrifying chemistry she shared with him. As she turned into the kitchen to drop her wine glass,Bahijja almost tripped,and Naima reached out an arm to keep her still.

“ke! Karki fadi a nan fa” Naima lamented,worried that Bahijja still couldn’t stay away from alcohol as they grew older.

“don’t worry,I will be fine,lemme just freshen up,I will meet up with you” she quickly replied.

Naima was left to stand all alone in the corner,as she waited for Bahijja’a return. Kabir noticed her minutes earlier,but refused to go over,and talk to her. Even though the girls around  him seem to be engaged in a heated argument over who was hotter between Brad Pitt and Robert patterson,he wanted her to see him being wooed by other girls. Maybe she would feel a little bit of jealousy,and that would make her acknowledge the blinding spark between them. As if on cue,she turned her head towards his direction,and their eyes locked. It was the first time she was seeing him that evening,and the mere sight of him just took her breath away. He looked a lot more handsome than the last time she saw him,and his body fit chocolate-coloured top made him look so hot,he almost looked like Isiah Washington.

She peeled her eyes off him as he began to smile at her,and she could swear she felt him inches close to her,instead of feets away,as it really was. Where was Bahijja? She wasn’t doing this,she had to leave. She picked up her glass from the long leather table,and turned to disappear into the serenity of the kitchen,instead she felt a strong hand around her waist folding her into a warm embrace…

                            ... to be continued.

Crossroads...

It was a Wednesday morning,and the August rain was in full gear. She closed her eyes again,and made a conscious effort to stop thinking,but her thoughts were all over the place.

She opened her eyes,and flipped herself off the rumbled bed,walked towards the window in slow measured steps,and peered outside. Her green and sunny surroundings were made grey by the dark cloud and looming sandstorm..if anything though,her dad wouldn’t hammer on the importance of water to trees today,because his lovely garden will have more than enough,thanks to the rain. It was something her dad guarded with pride. He did all the weeding and manual work himself,saying it was a form of exercise and recreation for him. He even bought small seedlings from the gardeners in town,ranging form yellow bush to mango trees,just anything green. He always emphasized on how the trees helped with the oxygen supply in the house,but for Nai and her brothers,it was the hardwork they were forced to adapt to that wasn’t a jolly ride,even though they enjoyed spending their evenings chatting in the garden on the white plastic chairs and taking pictures.

she watched as people scamped to get to their destination before the light drizzle turned to heavy outburst. The now dusty window glass reflected her image,she was wearing one of her favourite nighties,it was all tiny purple flowers on a white cotton material. Her hair was still in the pink hairband,thanks to the silk scarf she had tied the night before. Her eyes were all puffy from the tussle she had all night with her bed,her lips were dry,and her lower pink lips looked like it was cracking owing to her biting on it all night while she ramsacked through her many predicaments. She tried a smile to cheer herself up..it just didn’t work. She continued to try funny faces and even laugh at her confusion,but her emotions were definitely not having it.

Just then,she noticed their next-door neighbour racing to her blue rav4. “What was this one upto?”  she thought to herself. Their neighbours were a colourful bunch as far as Nai was concerned. They bought cars like it was tissue paper. They left the generator to run from the previous night upto the wee hours of the morning,and to top it all,they were night crawlers. Staying up late gisting right on their front lawn while the whole neighbourhood went to sleep. Nai’s mum was particularly appalled by it. she would say it was being irresponsilbe. But Nai was certain it was just the suburb life,not all those that lived there conformed to the quiet lifestyle her neighbourhood was used to. Infact,she was pleased by the Tanko family’s lively schedule,because she always had this fear that one could be murdered in broad daylight in that neighbourhood and noone will notice,or even act on time.

Who am I?

It was the one question that just kept popping up in her mind. It was like a race,a sudden battle or a revelation she badly needed to explore. Why did life give you so many options and yet there were little or no variations in the outcome. You were either happy or not,in not being happy,you were either miserable,sad,indifferent or depressed. These were low levels of unhappiness. Naima was sure she had experienced them all at some point in her life. But in the past few months,she was more or less testing her wings. She was on a journey to discover her limits and re-discover her potential. What were her boundaries,and what was her confort zone…she desperately needed to find out. She looked at this time in her life as the bridge. The major link that could make or marr all she had done so far.

One burden she had carried virtually all her life,was the crave to be understood. That telepathy she read in books,that talked about someone else finishing your sentences and knowing what your thoughts were exactly,even before you said a word…or was it just wishful thinking? She wondered to herself. How hard can it be really? She had accepted the crown as the queen of weirdos a long time ago,hoping and fervently praying that the king will find her soon. Maybe he just didn’t exist, maybe she really did have high standards as some other guys have claimed over the years. She looked at it as a fundermental,a basic,for all she cared,if a guy kept viewing her angles under the whole she-is-a-woman prism,then they were bound to stay glued to one spot,and that was her main beef. She just couldn’t seem to accept failure easily,she kept trying and trying even after most normal people had already given up on something. It was only a long time after a battle had been fought and lost,that she came around to accept defeat,even then,she attached sentiments,logic and excuses to it.

What was really expected of her now?

Now that she had finally finished her undergrad,no thanks to the six months ASUU strike that made her celebrate her 22^nd and 23^rd birthday in the same class. So much time had gone by,and even though her eyes were still on the price-which was to be thinking of settling down by the time she was 25yrs old-she did have her doubts. She had it all mapped out at first,secondary school grad at 17,undergrad at 21,Msc at 22,a job she loved by 23, and finally a home to call hers by 25…now that she had achieved only the second goal by the age of the fourth goal,she was terrified at the outcome of things. Her life was somewhat stagnant while time was in fastforward. How was she gonna handle it? She had fixed the 25yrs to the settling down goal because she considered it reasonable. Seeing as people around her even turned 35 and 40 without a home to call theirs,she could see herself in their shoes. The northern girl out to make a career out of her four-to-five academic years,and guys looking at her like a challenge and thereby avoiding her like a plaque. It was just so disheartening. Her whole clan back in the village were looking forward to her wedding day,some of her older step-aunties talked about it like it was going to be a festival,they raved at the idea of her grandma’s first female grandchild getting married and settling down. If not for her dad’s adamant and consistent defense of her stand to be educated first,those women would have had her marry a cousin or someone else years ago. The pressure seem to be become even more unbearable as her other cousins that lived with them in the village gladly swaped school for a husband. Most of them now had kids and that was the fuel that kept burning the get-married-now campaign they were pressing forward.

But all of that was little pressure compared to the immense pressure Naima put on herself. She just had to succeed,no matter what. It wasn’t going to be easy,but she had a strong conviction that she was born a winner. One whom had it all,but would have to work for it to get it. She will get there,she will have success,her dreams,goals and aspirations will all be conquered if she remained patient and stirred the all ready troubled waters of faith with a lot of planning and determination. Most paramount in her mind was getting someone to understand that passion,someone that will see her as a patner,and allow her ample time to chase her dreams without putting on the mister-fix-it cap every now and then.Family meant the world to her,but she was always advocating one chase his/her dreams even when  balancing both sides were a woman’s lot in the african society. She did pride herself as a rare breed in womanhood. The kind that didn’t enjoy falling,but accepted it as part of the journey. Her sojourn in life had to be meaningful,it just had to make sense,her resolve couldn’t be shaken….that was something she needed to communicate to whom ever it was she might end up with. The main thrust of the relationship and marriage had to be friendship and mutual respect,if not,her idea of building a home her kids will cherish all their life was bound to fail terribly….the obvious question however remained,where was this knight in shining armor that she kept planning for???

                    ... to be continued.

Going home!!!

Hello people,finally we are back in business. however,from here onward,I will be switching back to fiction. this is therefore,the last installment as per my life as at 2009...thanks for being there.
Enjoy :)
  ********************************************************************************

Naima herself just didnt understand it. but,she always had this feeling that her life was a scene on the truman show. she felt it was being recorded as a movie somewhere,and will soon hit stores,who knows,maybe it could even end up being number one in the box office.
She smiled at the doorman as he rushed to help her with the wet suitcases. it had been raining non-stop for almost three hours,and she didnt have the luxury of waiting somewhere for it to stop because she had to get to the Marriot hotel in time before her mum was thrown out of the room they had just checked into. Her mum being in the room without payment in the first instance was courtesy of the friendly indie porter who recognized her mum as a card holder in the hotel. the new receptionist seeing that her mum was just discharged from the hospital,and visibly weak had pity in her eyes as she took a risk to help check them in while Nai rushed back to Aunty Mimi's house to get her mum's master card.

The ride to Aunty Mimi's took about 90minutes of the two hours they had given her,and so,Naima'a mind was in so much turmoil that she just didnt notice that the rain was increasing,and she was dripping from head to toe. It didnt even matter that Aunty Mimi tried to make her dinner. she just couldnt wait that long. she just rushed around as she put all her things into her mum's suitcases and packed them all together. she had two big boxes and a small trolley bag with her. Mrs Duke,had just brought in the kids from a friend's birthday party,and offered to drop Naima off at the tube station. it was the most she could do for someone she had only met twice,even though she seemed like a nice woman,Aunty Mimi said she wasnt really one to go out of her way to help others.
Having been a resident for years in the UK had really turned her into the ideal oyinbo that hardly did much for others. Everyone seem to be too busy with their own lives that they thot of others as a burden. it was among the many reasons why Naima kicked against living off the shores of Africa for so long without contact back home. she thot it made you mean and selfish. And the whole idea of just donating money without really caring where it went or how it was used just didnt cut it. it wasnt enough excuse for all she cared.

***********************************************************************************
 It was 00:07am and her phone woke her up. the text from her dad reminded her that it was indeed her birthday. Nai had turned twenty-two on a day she was gonna be going through customs and settling their hotel bills. it was no fun day at all,and if not for her dad's reminder,she may never have even noticed. as if on cue,more messages from friends started bombarding her phone non-stop that she had to silence the beep,so it dont wake her mum up.
She went on to finish packing and putting everything else in order after being robbed of sleep by the calls and messages. in a way,it did lift her spirits a little,but her mind kept wandering back to the showdown they would have to face once back home. considering what her dad had been telling her,tensions were mounting back home and she was sure her mum's return was going to make it all explode. It was a bomb waiting to explode and her mum was definately was the trigger. With her mum up,it was a new mini war on whether or not taking a bath was necessary for a 6hour flight. even though she was better,getting Nai's mum to do anything was like getting lady gaga to become a nun. it was tough work,if you did ever get to succeed at convincing her.
With all four suitcases packed and weighed,her mum clad in her fav red ensemble and their reservation confirmed,all Naima had to do was find a place to trade the dollars she had for pounds for the ticket payment. only two days earlier,she had gone to make enquiries about any discounts her mum could get being a card holder and all,but the minute she mentioned that her mum was just recently discharged from the hospital,what she got was a number to call before her mum was given approval to fly instead. she was so pissed and that was when she realized that the naija sense sure didnt work everywhere,and thats why it was called that.

She smiled through her thoughts as the guy at the bureau de change wished her a happy birthday while making a copy of her passport page. she counted the money just to be sure,and then moved over to jump the queue explaining at every stop that she was just going to pay for her reservation,but that still didnt stop some resistant passengers from giving her a hard long look before reluctantly letting her leave them behind.
Having her mum excited about going home and making calls in between big bites of cookies was like the best birthday gift ever,as it gave Naima more time to relax and window-shop round the airport duty-free shops to buy the last of her brother's long list of demands. it was a habit she had nurtured traveling with her mum,she said,it was way easier than paying for excess.

************************************************************************************

The plane landed just few minutes after four a.m..Naima woke her mum up,but with the way she responded,she sure didnt get as much sleep,even after the whole episode where she thought the plane was about to crash. it was something Nai would have to explain to her dad immediately they got home,just so he knows how exactly to handle her because Naima was planning on getting about seven hours sleep before she got back to caring for her mum again. She still had that memory mess once-in-a-while,and it made it hard to calm her mum down once she was sure someone was attacking her. it was just as well,they were back home...she finally got a sight of her brother and waved at him,so he could spot her,and she could see his eyes fill with tears as he caught sight of their mum. it seemed to be everyone's first reaction and her never-emotional brother was no exception...
                    ...to be continued.

things are looking up...

the usual MTN ring went on in her ear. *dun dun* it went on for three consective rings before it was recieved on the other end.

"Hello,yar uwa ya kike?" Fairy went on to say. Naima responded in the affirmative. she was glad she had time to make the call to the rest of the squad,that rather hot summer afternoon. she was on the verge of losing her sanity after hearing about what was actually wrong with her mum,and knowing that there was no cure yet known to man that will help her.

 "me duniya? kun share ni kawai" Nai complained about them not calling her for sometime now. then Fairy apologized reminding her that she had only called once saying the number wasnt hers and that she will call them with hers,which she never got around to doing.
the two girls chatted for a long time,talking about how the strike  didnt seem like it was going to end soon,her mum's health,Fairy's fiance,and everything they missed out on telling each other.

After the call with Fairy,Nai went on to call Fatty. she was more upset with her for not calling but after Fairy reminded her that the mistake was hers,she has decided to call her bestie among the two.
they spoke at length too,and Fatty as always said the most reassuring words to get Nai laughing once again. Fatty was getting more worried about the delay in the strike,and how the Edo state governor had been called in by the president to address the issue,and she said as much to Nai.
Nai said she was just grateful that she had time to be with her mum,without thinking of how much she was missing in school.

"gaskiya kam" Fatty agreed.

***********************************************************************************

As much as she was hiding from it. Nai knew she was loving the attention Kabir was showing her. he called aften to "check on her",and even offered to take her out a couple of times. but she had made up her mind that it wasnt going to work between them. she wasnt one that liked the idea of being with someone close to home,even though it was a normal thing in her place,she still maintained that it made the large family butt into the couple's affairs and she was never known to be a fan of that.

Aunty Mimi and the kids were making her feel so loved,and at home too. one time,she got back from the hospital so tired and drained,and the girls jumped all over her the minute she walked in. that was a high point in her rather dragged day,and it made her feel cared for.

her mum was also getting so much better,going on walks with her around the hospital courtyard,and even asking for food. her mum's appetite seemed to be on a high,and Nai couldnt be any happier. they got to talk more with her mum about certain incidents in the past,and how things kept getting worse between her mum and her aunt before this big showdown. on some days,Naima felt like her loyalty of course lay with her mum,but when she told her about other stories,and her weak defense for some of her actions,Nai got so upset at her she wish she could yell,"you should have known better".
But Naima was well aware of her mum's state of mind,and her rationaling issues had always been based on love and care. she was the kind that was good to those that made her feel special,and had sympathy even for those that had betrayed her before. it was always a known fact that Nai had such high self-esteem for a 21 year-old,and that sometimes made her wonder why her mum will rely on others to make her happy.

.....to be continued.